Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Ellis' Birth - Part 2

I was not prepared for how emotional I would be after the c-section. I wasn't prepared to feel so alone or isolated. I wasn't prepared to cry myself to sleep or to wake up in the middle of the night fearful that I would end up back at the hospital.

The postnatal ward had 24 moms and their babies in it. It was never quiet in there and yet I felt all alone. After they got me and Ellis situated in our curtained cubicle, they allowed Niel to visit me for 10 minutes or so before they asked him to leave. He would only be allowed to visit me from 5:30 to 7:30pm for the next few days. Two hours a day to see and hold his newborn son. Two hours to console his emotional wife.  Here is a picture from one of his visits.


After Niel left I laid in bed feeling very alone. I was in so much pain. I had asked for some pain medication post c-section in the recovery room and they gave me Tylenol. The pain got increasingly worse and I was really wanting something more than tylenol. There were two nurses at night to help with all 24 women and their babies. I could see that they were overworked. It also took me very little time to realize that one of them did not speak English. This was a problem as I don't speak Cantonese. She was trying to ask me questions but I could not understand her. She got louder and louder and she sounded like she was yelling at me. I felt helpless. I laid in bed for what seemed like hours and would cry out in pain, “someone please help me.” I remember moaning and silently praying and asking God to take my pain away. Several hours in the nurse that spoke English came and said that she was not permitted to give me anything stronger than tylenol unless the doctor approved it. The doctor had not gotten back to her and so she told me very firmly that there was nothing she could do and that I needed to deal with it. (In the morning the doctor did come in and she approved them giving me an Aleve once a day. It didn't really help at all.)

15 hours after the c-section, they took the catheter out. This meant that I had to walk down the hall to the shared bathroom. This was extremely painful. They did send several people to my bed to help me the first time I got out of bed. It was not a pretty sight and I was in so much pain. 

Eventually the pain did get easier to bear. I was recovering and I just wanted to go home, to finally be a family. I could not wait for the two hours Niel could visit each day. 

Ellis slept all the time. We could not wake him up. The nurse would bring him to me to nurse but neither of us could wake him to eat. Two different lactation specialists came to see us. Both were perplexed as they could see how hard it was to wake him. He seemed to do alright latching in the brief moments he was awake but he wouldn't stay awake long. I watched him get thinner and thinner. I asked the nurses about this and they said this is normal and not to worry. He started off small. He was only 6 pounds 1 ounce and birth and it seemed like he was wasting away to nothing before my eyes. The night before they were going to release me I asked the nurse if they would give me some formula. I could tell he was too thin. She said no. The morning they were going to release the same nurse came in and said that I was all cleared to go but Ellis was not. He had lost too much weight and the pediatrician would not clear him. They needed to monitor him for dehydration. They said I could stay with him and try to get him to gain weight in the next 24 hours. I was so upset. I was looking forward to going home, to finally being with my husband for more than 2 hours a day. I had already spent 4 nights at the hospital at this point. I had also been saying that I thought Ellis was too thin and no one one seemed to care up till this point. The pediatrician said I needed to cup feed Ellis an ounce of milk every 2 hours. She said that I had to pump (I was not allowed to do this either before this point for some reason) and supplement with formula on top of nursing him. He gained back 2% of his body weight in 24 hours and was released the next day.

I was so happy to be going home. Niel was so happy that we all could finally be together. I was told that I could not shower until they removed the stitches a week later. I could not wait. I felt so dirty and disgusting at this point. When I went to get the stitches removed, they saw that I had had an allergic reaction to the stitches. I did not have an infection but the wound had not closed. They had me go back every couple of days to look at it and redress the wound. I spent many night crying, fearful the wound would not close and become infected and that I would end up back in the hospital. I told Niel that I felt like I had two wounds that needed healing, the physical one and the one in my heart. 

The birth story did not end there. God did heal both wounds! I will share more in the next entry. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Ellis' Birth - Part One

It has been way too long since we have blogged. Our son, Ellis John Haggmark, was born on March 24th here in Hong Kong and our life has looked wonderfully different since that day. We are so thankful that he is a part of our lives.

The birth of Ellis had its ups and downs. Well actually, mostly downs. Ellis joining us was most definitely the highlight. I ended up having an emergency c-section. The c-section went without any problems. It was the few days after that were tough.

I had gestational hypertension and because the doctors were afraid I might get preeclampsia they decided to induce me at 37 weeks. I was admitted to the hospital on the morning of March 23rd to begin the process. On the 24th they said my cervix was ready to begin the induction. That evening I was wheeled into the delivery room and given an epidural. I immediately began vomiting. I did not have a good reaction to it and apparently Ellis didn't either. His heart rate dropped so low that the doctor said we must have a c-section immediately.

Niel was not permitted to be in the room with me. At this point I insisted that he be informed that this was about to happen. The doctor eventually gave in and allowed Niel to come in the room for 5 minutes to tell him what was going on. Niel prayed for me. He left and I was wheeled into the operating room. 

The c-section itself was a blur. I was so drowsy. I vomited again and fought hard to keep my eyes open. I did not want to miss my son being born. I remember the anesthesiologist putting a mask over my face right before Ellis was born and I realized it was gas to put me to sleep. My arms were tied down so I shook my face really hard to let her know that I did not want the gas. I wanted to be awake when he arrived. Not long after that I saw them take the baby over to a table in the room. Ellis did not make a sound and I was worried. Finally after what seemed like an eternity to me, (I’m sure it was merely seconds) I heard him cry and saw his hand move. I started to cry. My son was alive.

They brought Ellis over to me and let me kiss him. As they were about to wheel him off to the nursery I asked them to make sure to let Niel see him. The nurse looked over to the doctor for approval as this is not their normal procedure. She agreed so they wheeled Ellis out to the hallway where Niel was so he could get a glimpse of him. He took this picture.


After they wheeled me to the recovery room I begged the nurse to let Niel come in to see me. They said this was not possible. I kept insisting and finally they did. Niel came into the room and they brought Ellis in for some skin to skin time and to try to nurse. They were going to take Ellis away again without letting Niel hold him and once again I had to insist that it was important that Niel got to hold him too. Niel was able to hold him for a few brief seconds before he was escorted out of the room.

Ellis and I were then taken to the postnatal ward. I did not know then that the following days would be some of the hardest days of my life...