I have been throwing a pity party recently. I have cried, moped around the house, and cried some more. This Christmas has been exceptionally hard. We thought we would be traveling to pick up our daughter over Christmas. Instead, we have yet another delay and still don’t know when we will get approval to travel to get her.
My mind goes crazy. I worry about Liana. I worry she is not in a safe place. I worry that she is not getting the nutrition she needs. I worry she is not getting the love and care that she deserves. I worry that she will get sick and we won’t be there to take care of her. I feel sorry for myself because I had envisioned celebrating the holidays with her in our arms and yet we are still waiting…
This morning I realized that I am no different than the Israelites were when they were roaming the desert on their way to the promise land. They too moaned and complained. They too wanted their time of waiting to end. They too lost site of the ways that God was providing for them. They always had manna to eat, their shoes did not even get worn through in all those years of walking. The Lord himself went before them and was with them the entire way.
I am no different. I have been feeling sorry for myself instead of seeing all the ways that God is providing for our family.
At the beginning of this adoption the Lord gave us a verse. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” This morning I was convicted once again. (Sadly this is not the first time I needed to repent of my sour attitude and lack of trust in God through this adoption process.) I have spent much of this process being discouraged. I have been afraid that it would all implode and we would not be able to adopt Liana.
God has been with us the entire time. He clearly led Niel and I to adopt. He then made it ever so clear that Liana was our daughter. He has provided the finances to adopt through various grants and generous donations from friends and family. The C&MA has been very willing to work with us and extremely flexible as we try to plan to meet Liana’s medical needs. People have been praying for Liana long before we knew her. God has clearly been going before us.
Yes there have been numerous delays on our journey and that can be frustrating. Yes, it is normal to long to hold your little girl who is getting older and in dire need of a mommy and daddy to love on her and advocate for her. The thing is, Liana has the the best daddy in the world looking after her right now—her heavenly daddy. He is going before her and clearing the way for her to join our family.
Today I am choosing to not be discouraged. Today I am acknowledging that God has been going before us through this entire process and he will continue to.
“Thank you Heavenly Father for never leaving us through this adoption process. Thank you for loving little Liana long before we did. Thank you for going before us to prepare the way to bring her home.”